Tuesday, 9 August 2016

Pearls of Wisdon - Number 5 Making Friends with Change



Change is inevitable, and it can be healthy and positive depending on your view or reaction of it, but if change normally feels like your enemy rather than your best friend then maybe it's time you took a different view on your relationship with it? 
It's time to learn how to let changes in life, no matter how big or small, become something you don't mind hanging out with! Read on to discover why change can be good for you and some easy, feel good ways to let it in...



Why Change?

Good question - why should things change? 
Especially when life feels so comfy - why does change come and ruin it all?

Well because like everything, life is transitional and sometimes we can't control it so stuff appears in our life that take us in different direction than we hoped for or put us in a new scenario or guides us towards an experience we didn't plan on and for a lot of people this can have a really negative effect.

How does Change feel?

When change is unwanted or unwelcome it can make us feel really uncomfortable, awkward, angry and frustrated, the small things can be a constant niggles at the back of our minds and the big things make us want to hide under the duvet forever and then there's everything in between! 

Change can leave us feeling powerless, low, desperate and completely overwhelmed - for some people it can have a devastating effect and really impact every corner of their life, no wonder people want to run away or deny that change is happening. 

What can we do to make Change feel better?

So this is the best bit, how to become buddies with change in our life. 

 1. Firstly, it's totally OK to feel bad and unhappy about the change you are facing and tell yourself this. Secondly, be gentle on yourself - right now, and as the change occurs. Forgive yourself for any negativity that you think about or project outwards and show yourself some compassion.

Quick Tip - Give yourself 10 minutes at least each day doing something that feels positive for you - bath, reading, dancing, eating well, getting rest, taking care of your mind + body. 

2. You will have all these negative doubts, worries and thoughts swirling around in your head - write them down. Now write down the reverse of all these thoughts - what if things got better, what if you make a new friend, what if you find a new, exciting opportunity, what if you have a chance to learn something new? If we surround ourselves with negativity, we will live a negative life, but if we think positively we will create that around us.We don't know what will happen so thinking positively gives us opportunities to let good, sometimes even better things in to our life.

Quick Tip - This mindset doesn't always come easy especially when you are bogged down in negativity, and takes practice so when trying to change a patten of thinking start small - What if I do try a new......(fill in the blank!)

3. But what if it does happen - that dreaded, horrible, scary little thought that haunts your mind and makes you fear what this change is bringing you. What if the worse comes true? Well this where you can make change really work for you by focusing on what's happening and why you don't like it. Instead of letting those feelings consume you and the situation bring you down further, bringing you to a standstill, make a plan for how you can start to turn it around and move towards the good stuff, grab a fancy notebook and pen, write at the start "My big plan on fighting my fear on....." (fill in the blank again!) and start brainstorming ideas, only write down positive things and I promise a plan will emerge and it's written down for you to refer back to. Use this as a life lesson in what you don't want so you can push yourself forward to what you do.

Quick Tip - If you get stuck on formulating a plan reach out for help from others by either asking them to help you brainstorm or by asking them how they might tackle this, someone else perspective can help you to break yours if you get stuck.

 4. Facing the future - as Socrates said the key to change is acceptance but also making the best of it, so how does that look? By making the change work for you, by taking what you learnt in the past and using that to make your future better, but seeking out opportunities, using it as a platform to show the world who you are and what you are capable of, taking the time to invest in you - no matter how small that is and deciding that you are going to let this change bring out the best in you, not the worst. You do actually have the power to use change to you advantage, so don't let it scare you away, make peace with change and see the difference it can make. This is one relationship that can make a big impact if you trust it!

Quick Tip - For future wobbles when life takes an turn that you didn't plan for repeat a little mantra or feel good phrase "Change will be my friend if I let it in, change with show me what I want from within" Or you make your own one up!

I always believe that it takes practice to adjust how you think and feel, shifting your thinking, behaviour and habits from negative ones to positive ones takes time and effort so if you try something suggested here and it feels strange, silly or unnatural don't give up, try it again the next day and again the next until you relax in to it. Over time these habits and life skills will become natural and can help you to protect your well-being and lead you to a more contented way of life - isn't that what we are all striving for after all?!

If you found this useful and want to read more about coping with change try these links:

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge in to it,
 move with it and join the dance"
Alan W. Watts

Did these hints and ideas help? Do you have any great go to tips for dealing with change?
I'd love to know if they helped so leave a comment below!

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