Monday 23 July 2018

Pearl of Wisdom Number 20 - Why your past might be holding you back


I don't believe theres a single person in this world who hasn't made a mistake in the past that they have sorely regretted because its human to get things wrong and mess up some times.


Making mistakes is how we learn about ourselves and our behaviour.

These bumps in our journey act as a guide to how we want to feel, think and engage in this world — they helps to give us a moral compass and grow as a person.

However some people aren't able to shake them off that easily, they feel suffocated and defined by their mistakes, allowing them to rise up into their consciousness and act as barriers to the life they want to live. They feel stuck like they're in a pool of mud and their mistakes are sticking to their feet, stopping them from moving forward towards fulfilment, joy and self worth.

I'm happy to admit that I have been this person, weighed down and routed by the choices and actions I took in my past. I've spent many a night dwelling on the "what if's" and "if onlys" that come up in my mind when I think about how my past has unfolded.

I've also been guilty of letting them hold me back from doing things in my life that I want to fulfil and  worst of all I've let them define me as a person and calculate my self worth. 

I can tell you hand on my heart that this kind of self sabotage has not been positive for my wellbeing at all — but I bet you already guessed that right? I bet you were already thinking "Oh Karen why are you letting this get the better or you?!"

So, now its time to ask yourself that question - why are you letting your past mistakes hold you back and dictate your future?

Do you know?

Well I do, and I'm going to share with you what I discovered for myself.

It took me a while but I started to notice that ruminating on these mistakes was just a big fat negative in my life and it was consuming me!

I've realised over the years that I spent a lot of time analysing where I had gone wrong and associating those mistakes with my present reality and every time I did that it left me feeling bitter, regret and a feeling of hopelessness. I was quick to blame everything that was wrong back then on everything that was wrong back then and it really did start to consume my thoughts and actions and I was totally letting those mistakes define me.

Something had to change though because I wanted much bigger things out of my future and more importantly I really wanted to stop missing out on all the good stuff that was happening right now in my life.

So I took a big step back and gave myself some time to think through how I was reacting to my thoughts and how I could change my mindset to feel more positive about what I was reflecting on.

I decided to allow myself to keep reflecting on my past mistakes because I didn't want to pretend they didn't happen or bury them in the back of my mind and go into self denial mode, after all some of my biggest mistakes have actually lead me to some of my most precious and positive situations in life and that reflection was a big step towards seeing my mistakes in a more beneficial light.


What I decided then was when a memory or thought about my past came up that wasn't so good I would allow it to be there in my brain and acknowledge it but on the condition then that instead of chastising myself and obsessing over how I could have done better, I would instead ask myself two questions....

Can I learn from this mistake in a positive way and allow it to guide me towards my greater happiness?

Can I change the consequences of my mistakes or are they actually best left where they belong — in the past?!

When I understand my mistake and look for a chance to learn and grow from it I'm winning, I becomes a bit more appreciative for that mistake for teaching me something about who I am and steering me towards a more fulfilled life.

Now I actually embrace my mistakes because I see them as guides towards getting things more right and they don't scare me anymore because I see the good in them and I know and understand that mistakes don't make up who I am, they are just a part of the person I've become and there are so many other layers and side to me.

I have also learned to forgive myself and show myself more compassion for the mistakes I make. When I truly sit down with myself and be honest about if I could or should change them I know that somethings just can't be undone and I've learnt to give myself permission to let them go because you know what you and me, we are allowed to get it wrong, we should be getting it wrong and we can let these mistakes be something that teaches us positively not hold us back negatively.

You are not your mistake or your failures, you are wonderful you who is learning and growing until the day you die and everything up and down in your life is your teacher to a better life.

Don't be afraid of them, be brave, be good to yourself and find the courage to not let them define or hold you back anymore.



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