Monday 23 November 2020

Why Planning ahead is good for your Wellbeing

By nature I am a little bit messy and a lot disorganised, which is not common traits for a Virgo right?! But it’s who I am and what I felt comfortable with until I became a mum, bought and house and started running my little blog/business. Life suddenly got complicated and I suddenly had to develop a new skill of becoming a circus juggler and there were balls dropping everywhere, let me tell you!

When my life picked up speed in this way not only did I struggle to manage with my messy, disorganised, fly by the seat of my pants but most of all my personal wellbeing suffered massively because as a by product of picking up all these balls constantly, I completely put my needs on the back seat - not great for emotions or mental health at all!

Now my husband on the other hand couldn’t be more opposite and would constantly get frustrated and a little unnerved by how I went about life, he would always encourage me to think and plan ahead but I would always laugh at him and tell him to chill out, but then one day the penny dropped and I got onboard because I knew something had to change and you can read more about that in this post!

These days I am all for planning ahead because the level of calm, clarity and reassurance it give me has done wonders for my wellbeing AND the knock on effect it has on my ability to parent, manage a household and keep working flowing. 

I’m not perfect though, I still drop balls and I’m by no means obsessive about it at all and I’m not suggesting that we all become military about planning out every inch of our lives but I have truly experienced what a little forward thinking and organisation has done for how we make our way through life and can 100% testify that it does indeed has a big positive impact on how we manage life’s stresses and our ability to build resilience and take care of ourselves, something I believe everyone can benefit from, especially in todays world.

So what does this look like for me? Well, it’s often the little things, making a weekly dinner menu and a shopping list, having a dedicated day to wash and fold laundry every week and putting important dates on the calendar and then checking them in advance!

But it’s also asking for help when I know I will need it for a meeting or a deadline, it putting absolutely nothing in the calendar on a Sunday morning so I can take an hour long bath or lie in bed for a bit and my husband is free to take on parenting by himself. It’s calling my friend and arranging a girls only night for next month because we are both busy but don’t want miss out on spending time together! It’s also make time and space in my personal diary to move my body, read a book or sit down to a crystal meditation. 

It may sound silly or weird to plan these things in but when I’m juggling all the things, a meditation, a home workout - these are the first things to get dumped but are the moments that I need the most!

Even better too my planning for my personal wellbeing rubs off on other around me, my husband does it for himself, my friends are inspired to do it too and my children are learning what an important wellbeing skill this is, the ripple effect is priceless!

So if you feel like life isn’t giving you what your need to feel good about yourself right now, whether that because it feels too hectic or because you’re not putting your needs first simply start planning out how or what you need it look and feel like. 

If you need a helping hand this planner and worksheet bundle is full of ideas, activities and worksheets to help you become unstuck and put your wellbeing at the centre of your world.



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Monday 16 November 2020

What I learnt living through a winter in Canada


Let’s be honest a winter in the UK is long, grey and pretty miserable, we’re stereotyped around the world for our wet weather and once the sparkle of the festive season has worn off it can be pretty hard to find joy again until spring bursts into our lives again.

But imagine spending a winter in a place where it’s minus 35C, battling through a snow storm to get to work is an everyday experience and thermals in bed is a new way of life — welcome to a winter in Canada!

It’s been over 15 years now since I spent my 27th winter in Toronto but I learnt so many things while I lived there which still have such an influence on my life today and in this post I’m going to share these life lessons with you too!

You can do hard things, even if it feels impossible!

Ok what I’m about to say is going to seem a little crazy considering the tittle of this post - I HATE SNOW, WITH A PASSION! So why did I willing spend a winter in a country where snow came in an abundance in this season? Well, because I wanted the adventure, and truth be told I didn’t really take on board how much snow it would be - I was in my twenties after all!

But my point to all of this is that the snow did fall, for months, and months, and I had to manage living my life around it. Going to work on public transport with all the pitfalls that snow brought to that, buying my groceries and getting them home by foot, shovelling the drive and sidewalk, arranging to meet friends and go bar hopping in 3 feet of the white stuff and then also having to arrange alternative accommodation when the water pipes in my apartment froze and burst!!

At that point in my life I hadn’t really had to deal with too many stressful adulting issues as I'd either been in college or working as a live in nanny but here I was thousands of miles away from my family and friends, having to deal with all this stuff by myself. It felt scary because I was in a different country and you’ll be surprised at how just life admin and issues vary from one part of the world to another so I had rely on myself to figure it out, plus I didn’t have the convenience of the internet, delivered food shopping, Uber or know a 24/7 plumber!

Rising to these and many other challenges gave me a sense of confidence and self efficacy that I was capable of handling the hard stuff when it came my way!

Some people are only meant to be in your life for a short time!

I meet and made some really amazing friends in my time living in Canada that I’m still in touch with today and one my Canadian friends is even godmother to all 3 of our children! Sadly though some people I was friends with at that time are no longer in my life and it was a time when I started to learn a lot about toxic friendships/relationships. I truly believe that the people we meet and the relationships we build are all there to teach us something about ourselves. How we interact in friendships shapes who we are and gives us a sense of boundaries so when some of them leave us feeling less than it shows us what we value not only in other people but in ourselves too. This was a time when I learnt that it is always ok to walk away from people if your life if your relationship with them is hurting you, some times, like boyfriends, some friendships are just not meant to be forever.

Open yourself up to possibilities, always!

This is truly something worth learning, because we’re always afraid of the unknown aren’t we and that means we miss out on stuff that can actually be quite amazing! Toronto is the biggest metropolitan city in Canada (not to be confused with the capital which is Ottawa!) and there was always somewhere to go, something to see or something to do! I was lucky enough to experience so many amazing things while I lived there - I tried new food, went ice skating, attended a film festival, went on lots of dates, worked 3 jobs and travelled all over a city I barely knew plus so much more. If I had been too scared to say yes to these things I wouldn’t have meet the people I did or experience the things I did. It really was one of the most special, most memorable years of my life, despite all the snow and freezing cold weather through the winter! My time in Canada showed me that when you open yourself up to possibilities in life, even if it pushes you out of your comfort zone, you never know what magic might happen in your life!

*Disclaimer - the picture of me above is not from the winter I spent in Canada in 2004/5 as I sadly didn’t have a camera or camera phone back then! These picture we’re taken in November 2012 on my honeymoon in Ottawa and are the closet pictures I have of me in Canada in winter - but I still look really cold right?!



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Thursday 22 October 2020

My Autumn Audio Playlist

I love reading, I’m a big fan of snuggling down with a blanket, cup of something hot, sweet and frothy and a good book or magazine, and I still love catching up on my favourite blog when I can because bogging is NOT dead!!

However as a mum of 3 between 1.5 and 10yo, a small blog/biz and a part-time job I don’t always have the time to read as much as I want but I still want to keep in touch with the things I love so a massive life hack for me has become consuming them through audio.

So this week I’m sharing all the things I’ve loved listening to lately, this has been my sound track to the last few weeks and is keeping my wellbeing ticking along through these autumn months. When I need a boost or sometime to chill out from the craziness of the world I’ve been indulging in these songs, podcasts and meditations.

Lauren from Hunters and Heels Autumn Playlist on Spotify - full of soft and mellow tunes that invoke so much emotion and are gorgeous to listen to on a grey day. It’s been my background music while I’ve been working lately.

Deliciously Ella Podcast - so many episodes I’ve found comfort, inspiration and joy in, I especially liked I especially like the episode on Mindfulness, Bakings and Slowing Down with Pauline Beaumont from Bread Therapy. I love what she says about how practicing mindfulness can help us to train our brains to not be so distracted by worrying, anxious thoughts.

Self Care Club Podcast - this one is new to me but I’ve loved discovering some of the wellness trends out there that this podcast looks at - particularly the episode on Awe Walking! This podcast’s host’s Lauren and Nicole are a joy to listen too and had me laughing out load with their witty thoughts and insights into the latest self care news.  

Koya Webb’s Remember Who You Are Meditation on Insight Timer has been a real uplifting tonic and given me so much food for thought lately. This meditation has helped me come home to myself whenever I needed a loving, guiding hand.

Erin Burn’s Reiki Visualisation for Autumn Abundance again on Insight Timer is like a warm hug in a blanket with a steaming cup of hot chocolate on the side! This meditation is so soothing it’s been helping me to feel much more relaxed and keep my emotions balanced when everything feels a bit too much.

I’ve also been dabbling in a bit of audio for wellbeing myself and last month I recorded a crystal meditation for my most recent wellbeing workbook call Crystal Wellbeing for Autumn. This workbook takes you on a seasonal journey with your crystals by exploring what self care and wellbeing means to you, how to use your crystals and how they can help you stay on track with your wellbeing goals this season, you can get your copy here.

So what’s on your audio playlist this autumn, share with me over on Instagram.

*NB — these recommendations are my own personal opinions and I have not been compensated to share them in anyway.


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Monday 5 October 2020

5 ways to learn, grow and thrive this Autumn

We’ve finally said good bye to the summer, the last bit of warm weather has left us and it’s time to step into a new season - Hello Autumn!

As the dark nights draw in, the mornings feel colder and the weather turns a dismal grey it feels like my mood changes along with it. It’s really easy to feel flat and a little fed up at this time of year but I think you’ll agree with me that taking care of our wellbeing is even more important right now.

However you may find yourself lacking in self care inspiration right now or unmotivated by your current routine — sound familiar? So as the colour of the leaves start to change, now could also be a good time to change what you do to take care of yourself too.

I’m a big fan of seasonal self care — this means matching my self care routine or practices to the season — and it’s makes a big difference to my wellbeing. When I connect to the energy of the season and create practices that focus and align with changing year I really notice a positive difference.

So with that in mind here are 5 simple but effective ways you can connect your self care to this new season and keep yourself thriving all throughout autumn.

1)  Create yourself self care mantra, I promise you it works! With all the best intentions in the world we can’t avoid those rubbish days when we feel like the world is against us and we all lose our shit over the craziest of moments or stuff going wrong — life happens, and sometimes it feel too hard - BUT you can learn to get through those moments and days with a mantra. Mine go like this “Allow everything in this moment is enough right now” - this one helps me when I fall into the comparison trap, when I mess something important up or feeling like I’m failing as a mum. Another favourite of mine is “ You can’t think clearly from an angry brain!” This one stops me from blow up at my husband, shouting unnecessarily at the kids or sending a grumpy text message to a friend or someone who has upset me in the moment.

Find your mantra, use it when things feel hard, then glide through the moment with more ease.

2)  Celebrate EVERYTHING! When autumn comes round it’s really easy to get a bit down about everything because when know the weather is changing and so are the clocks, it may feel all damp, dark and gloomy and that can create a really negative mindset. So instead challenge yourself to celebrate all the things that are positive and see your mood and mindset elevate! What’s important here is to look for joy in everything, even the small things, the everyday things, the things that seem normal but actually make your day feel a little bit better. Give thanks through a gratitude journal or cooking a nice celebratory meal or reward yourself a big mug of hot chocolate at the end of the day!

Try a new way to celebrate, especially after a rubbish day, even a dance around the kitchen will lift you!

3)  High vibe your self care practices with something new, because change in season can mean a change in routine, activities or lifestyle and this can help your self care feel refreshed if you feel it’s lost its meaning lately. See if there are any new projects or classes you can try out in your community, ask your friends what they do for self care for some new inspiration or try a new practice like reiki or crystals — you might like to download my new workbook Crystal Wellbeing for Autumn for some fresh seasonal self care ideas.

Change can feel scary but embracing something new also leads new ideas, opportunities and passions.

4)  Clean up and clear out — don’t just leave a home refresh to spring take the duster and mop to the house in autumn too! One of the easiest (and cheapest) ways to feel better is to detoxify our environment — throw out old products and papers that you no longer use, declutter your bedroom and living area, revamp your seasonal wardrobe and clear out all the leaves and weeds from the garden. Plus don’t forget to give your standing orders a revamp too, as winter draws closer and we use more energy to keep our homes going can you get a better, more efficient deal with your energy provider?

Our home becomes our hub of comfort over the next few months, reflect that in the space you live in.

5)  Slowly does it — now you may of heard of or seen the online movement that #slowliving already, but autumn really is the perfect season to embrace it. Slow walks through the leaves with wellies on or a simple cup of tea next to the fire with nothing much planned. The essence of slow living is to keep things simple and relaxed, without the urge to make everything fast and furious we can really notice the small, gentle moments in our life that can be so nourishing when we soften into them. 

If there’s something that feels like it’s too much, slow things down to feel a sense of calm control again.

So there you have it, choose one to focus on or embrace them all, the important thing is to do something that nourishes your wellbeing this season so that you don’t get stuck and overwhelmed by the changes that unfold with autumn or the chilly months ahead.

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Friday 28 August 2020

Navigating Toxic Relationships and How to Rest

Ever had a relationship with someone that felt difficult and uncomfortable, or one now that still fills you with dread and anxiety? You may be experiencing a toxic relationship.

According to yourdictionaty.com the definition of toxic is... 

Something poisonous, or something very harmful or bad.

Those are some big, intense adjectives right? But a toxic relationship can have the potential to be all these things if you let it, plus they're not just exclusive to romantic relationships, you can have them with friends, family members, work colleagues and even neighbours - just about anyone in your life really.

Navigating a toxic relationship can bring shame, anger and a feeling of wading through mud — hard, uncomfortable and completely isolating. These kind of relationship can constantly bring you down as well as impacting massively on your energy levels, and what’s more they can be very hard to break free from especially if you find yourself as a people pleaser or experiencing a time in your life where you are vulnerable.

Some toxic relationships can also cross the boundaries of bullying and being abusive and it’s really important to understand if you are trapped in that situation and where to find support, look out for more information on this at the end of the post.

Over the years I have had my fair share of toxic relationships, plus as a support worker I’ve helped women in all kinds of different situations manage and overcome toxic relationship so I’m sharing some of my personal and professional tips here to help you too:

So how do you know if a relationship is toxic?

A simple and easy way to know if a relationship is toxic is to observe how you feel about this person and spending time with them, ask yourself:

- How do I feel when I make plans to see them?

- How do think and feel in the lead up to spending time with them?

- How do I feel when I’m with them?

- Do they say or do things that are disrespectful and/or hurtful towards me as a person or my lifestyle?

- Do they criticise my choices, decisions and/or beliefs

- Do they undermine me?

- Do they always centre themselves in our conversations or activities?

- Do they control or manipulate our time together?

- How do I feel after I’ve spent time with them?

These are some questions you can ask yourself about a potential toxic relationship to understand what’s going on better by establishing how you react to and experience your time with this person. 

If you see a negative patten or even feel upset and uptight while exploring these questions then that’s a sign that this relationship is having a toxic effect on you, if your not sure use the questions to dive deeper still.

How can you manage this relationship?

At this point you may have known or suspected that a relationship is toxic for you, however you may have just discovered this for the first time and feel confused, overwhelmed and possibly quite anxious. If you are feeling troubled it’s important to look after yourself, think about a trusted person you can talk to or somewhere you can find support (more information below).

Some of you may be very aware that a friendship or a relationship with a neighbour is having a negative impact on you but not feel like you know how to navigate it in a way that leaves you feeling good and well, so here are some ideas:

You could choose to step away from the relationship if you can, some people are only meant to be in our lives for a period of time and just because you’ve known them from pre-school doesn’t mean you have to remain connected to them, especially if that harmful and unpleasant for you.

If you have to spend time with them because of circumstances like work or family commitments then you can out some mindset practices in place before hand:

- Share how you feel with someone you trust

- Make a choice to respond to their toxic behaviour calmly

- Know that their opinion is just that and not fact

- If their behaviour or conversation gets to much give your self permission to disengage 

- Know that any negativity or harmful behaviour is a reflection of them and not you

You may find yourself at a point where you no longer want a relationship to continue, so should you end it by telling them why or slip away from the relationship quietly?

The easier option is to just stop talking to them and/or seeing them, BUT is that the right option? Only you can make that decision for yourself, if you choose to let that person know that you no longer want to spend time with them I urge you to do it in a respectful and calm way, try to stick to facts stating how you feel rather than suggesting they make you feel a certain way, for example:

“I need some time to myself because I find our conversations/time together difficult/negative/not in my best interests any more.”

It’s tempting to lay all your hurt feelings and angry emotions out for them to see but it’s likely they will agree or not understand. You can end a relationship with someone in a polite and calm way and I promise you will feel better for it.

What can you do to feel balanced and rested?

Once you have come away from the time spent with them, or the relationship for good, it’s important that you take some time to rest and recover. You may feel emotionally and mentally exhausted and acknowledging that and making time for self care is so important.

Again talk to someone you trust, plan something positive for yourself in advance that you know will make you feel good afterwards, journal your thoughts and feelings, get plenty or water and rest as these two things massively impact us especially when we are stressed. 

Most of all continue to practice compassion and forgiveness towards yourself, you most likely haven’t done anything wrong in this relationship, if this person is making you feel bad about yourself keep questioning it, is that really the truth, are you really who or what they project you are?

Perspective is everything and it’s yours, not theirs that matters!

If you find that your relationship is abusive...

You can discover if you are experiencing domestic abuse by visiting the Women’s Aid website and reading more about what domestic abuse is here. It’s really important to reach out for support if you feel the toxic relationship in your life is actually domestic abuse, here are some other useful resources:

National Domestic Abuse Helpline 

National Bullying Helpline

Support Line

Bullying.co.uk

Relate

Toxic relationships are always tricky, remember you always have a choice about how and when you engage in them and when you start taking control you will feel more empowered and most importantly more peace with in yourself, after all life is to short to put up with something that doesn’t look out for your wellbeing.

And as Oprah once said - “Surround yourself with people who only lift you higher!"

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Monday 17 August 2020

Finding Joy in the hard stuff

Things go wrong.

Every one of us, no matter how perfect our social media feed is curated to showcase an amazing life to outside world, has deal with some tough times at least once in our life.

No one has an easy ride, ever. 

But dealing with the hard stuff can be easier or more manageable for some than it is for others. I get it too, when life gives you lemons that sourness can quickly take over but just knowing how to make even a tiny drop of lemonade can give you the energy and resolve to not only keep going but get stronger and more resilient with each new adversity you face down the road.

I’ve face my fair share crap - abusive relationships and painful break ups, infertility and baby loss, ending friendships and loosing people I care about, struggling at work and making endless uncomfortable and cringe worthy mistakes - I have f**ked up countless times, and it’s felt raw and heavy.

My default setting has been to wallow which was quickly followed by being all consumed and unable to move forward, I was fatalistic and not able to let any light in, and that my friend would continuously hinder my ability to bounce back when life felt too hard.

This way of living was truly exhausting, I was miserable and missing out. Plus all my conversations hinged on negativity but really I was craving light and a reason to smile.

It was simple really, I just needed to give myself permission to find the joy instead being defined by the hard stuff. You can do it too and its probably easier than you think.

I know I’m lucky to be a mum and have my kids around me because for me they are a constant source of joy and even on the days when motherhood feels hard they are always doing little things to make smile, it’s choosing to focus on them instead of the tough bits that brings the joy.

I’ve learnt to find joy in me too, in my passions and interests, in the person I’m becoming and more recently in my own company. When I was younger I always placed joy and happiness into the hands others which is a dangerous game to play, then I turned 30 and learnt to fall in love with the person I was and wanted to become. I actively invested in the relationship I had with myself by working on the bits in my past that felt uncomfortable and I even found joy in the mistakes I made, acknowledging how far I have come since then. 

Accepting that life is full of hard stuff sometimes, especially when things have gone wrong in the past, has been my biggest gateway to allowing myself to find joy when life gets tough now. Thats why I created my Little Love Letters Workbook so you can have a way to reconnect back to who you are too. By working through the uncomfortable bits and creating more love in the relationship you have with yourself you can learn to find joy when your life feels hard. I know myself what I difference this makes to life and what you can get out of it - imagine making peace with your past, understand your present and embracing your future, imagine feeling brave, confident and joyful still when life gets bumpy?

Last of all I keep it simple, I look for joy in the small moments in life. When something feels big and scary I seek out joy in cooking good food, a funny film or sharing a moment with someone I love - like dancing around the kitchen or jumping own the bed! 

I also look for joy in the successes of others too, knowing that when something good is happening to someone else, they are being looked after and their good fortune has a ripple effort, plus it reminds us that nothing truly stays hard, things ebb and flow for everyone.

As we get older it seems that our lives and the world we live is much harder, there are so many things to worry about, more and more difficult situations come our way. Finding joy will protect you against the weight of it all, go out and seek it or create it for yourself, your emotional and mental wellbeing will thank you for it, and adversity will become that little bit easier to sail through.

Go sip some lemonade, enjoy it, even if you’re living with a bowl full of lemons.

Share your moments of joy in hard times with me below or come find me on Instagram.
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Monday 10 August 2020

How to feel confident when your day is going badly

I don’t know about you but when my day starts going badly right off the bat I often rule the whole day out as one that will go wrong. But I’ve come to notice this isn’t really the case but more my negative mindset taking over.

It’s easy to do though, we get up and knock over a cup of coffee, the cat pukes on the carpet and we drop buttered toast down our top! Or sometimes its a text from the bank to say there’s no money in your account to pay your phone bill, a crappy email from your boss or you get stuck in traffic and find yourself late again. We’ve all been there right?

Its so easy to be affected by all this, you feel your stress level rising and a tightening in your stomach — another bad day! Your confidence in yourself wobbles and already you’re dreaming of bed time or something indulgent to ease the stress at the end of the day! 

What’s troublesome about all this negative chatter though is that it can define your mood and outlook for the rest of the day, you end up looking for all thing things going wrong instead of noticing all the things going right, you miss out on celebrating that because you’re too busy feel worried or defeated!

So what if next time your day goes badly you made a choice to keep an open mind? Because when we choose to reframe our negative thoughts we’re more likely to see the good things that do happen. 

Here are 3 tips to remember the next time you start to have a bad day:

1) One bad moment does not equal a bad day, in fact even a few disastrous incidents does not stack up to a day of bad luck or things constantly going wrong for you. Don’t let every stressful situation that unfolds define how you want to feel or how you see your day going. You can acknowledge the mess up for what it is and move on, good and bad stuff can happen side by side, you don’t have to carry that negative energy around for the rest of the day!

2) If you get caught up in the moment and feel yourself spiralling press pause for a moment. Make a hot cuppa, read a book or listen to a few of your favourite songs. Taking a step back from whatever has gone wrong can help you to first off see the situation for what is truly is, then you can refocus and move on.

3) If you struggle to redefine your energy or press pause in the bad moments of the day then create yourself an emotional anchor. This can be as mentioned above a certain song, object or activity, or a feel or mantra that you zoom in on when you feel yourself struggling under the stress of a bad day. You may have to try a few different ones out first to find the anchor that works for you but having this go-to setting to immediately ground your emotions to will certainly cut through all the noise that feels hard and overwhelming to manage in the moment.

My best tip here is to combine all 3 too, because they all fit nicely together and used in tandem will give you your best chance to feel more confident in yourself when you feel like the world is against you and this is going to be the worst day ever!

Which tip might work for you? Let me know in the comments below or come find me over on Instagram
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Monday 3 August 2020

10 Summer Self Care Ideas to Avoid Overwhelm


Are you in full summer holidays mode and feeling it? 

Maybe you’re not, maybe you still find yourself thinking about the weeks that are stretching out in front and wondering how you’re going to get through them. 

Either way you may have a sense of overwhelm right now not only about how you will fill this time but also around how you might keep your sanity, especially if you find yourself in a position where you can't experience or commit to all you want or need to this summer. 

Overwhelm, panic, anxiety - none of these things add up to that serene summer feeling we all wish for so I’ve come up with some self care inspiration to help combat this. 

There are a variety of ideas to try out and choice from, some will give you instant gratification and peace, others might take a bit of planning but will leave you feeling refreshed, empowered and ready to take on anything. Hopefully there’s something for everyone, so here you go...

1. Spa Day at Home - now a summer spa day is a staple for many but may sound cheesy to others so hear me out. The key is to clear out a significant chunk of time to be by yourself, either a morning/afternoon or an entire day if you can mange it and indulge in some feel good pamper activities that you enjoy. Don’t forget to have on hand a relaxing book, a favourite podcast or music and add in extras like candles, crystals and essential oils. This might not be for everyone but the key is to personalise it to you and remember it’s not just about the pamper but a chance to reconnect back to your body and self. 

2. Make your bed - this is so quick and so easy and will leave you feeling accomplished and at peace before you've even had breakfast. Every time you walk into or past your bedroom you will get a sense of feeling like something in your world is together and finished.

3. Digital Holiday - you may not be going on your usual summer holiday but I would highly recommend booking a get away from your digital world! Pick out at least one day, but preferably a weekend or a whole week if you dare, to shut down all screens, turn off social media and disengage from instant messaging! Remember it’s only a holiday and the peace you'll gain will really help you to refocus your attention and calm your nerves. You can always let people know that your taking a break and give them alternative ways to contact you in an emergency or reassure that you will catch up with them later on!

4. Create a self care space - this is such a joyful and loving activity to do for yourself and it can be as big or as little as you want to make it. Pick out a corner or nook of your home and make it into a self care space dedicated just to you. This can be a quick and easy activity by using things you already have around your home like favourite books, candles, cushions and keepsakes that are meaningful and comforting to you, then sit down, relax and take 5 OR maybe you want to turn this into a mini make-over activity? You could treat yourself to a new chair, hang a favourite picture and repurpose a pretty lamp, by creating a dedicated space in your home just for self care you are more likely to use it and give yourself permission to find the time to decompress from the stresses of the day.

5. Take on a self care project - this time over the summer can feel daunting to fill but taking on a longer term project can help you to reflect on how you're feeling and track any changes that are unfolding in your life, plus a longer term self care project is a nice way to record or remember a certain time or transformation in your life. Try my Love Letter Workbook to connect back to the relationship you have with yourself. Through the guide in the workbook you’ll write beautifully crafted love letters to yourself, designed to build your resilience, boost yourself esteem and create last confidence, imagine coming out the other side of summer with a more positive relationship with your past and present and feeling ready for the future?

6. Make over your mornings - this is taking your "make your bed every morning” idea one step forward but if changing up your morning routine feels overwhelming in its self then just start with the bed thing first or change up another little thing from your morning routine like what time you get up or what you have for breakfast. Maybe you want to add in exercise or read a book in the garden or start eating breakfast as a family - aim for a few changes, observe how you feel and see if shaking things up in the morning creates a different mindset for the day ahead.

7. Mini Life Detox - the key to this is staying micro or it can do the opposite to reducing overwhelm. Take one area of your life that needs a shake up or a change and spend a day getting rid of everything that no longer serves you. It could be a room in your house, the food you snack on, a difficult relationship, your wardrobe or your social media habit! I recommend spending some time first making a mini plan so your don’t get overwhelmed, set a small goal to achieve and reverse engineer how you can spend one or a few days doing just that, you can aim to do it over a week instead if this feels more manageable.

8. Say Yes to yourself - if you’re feeling all the pressure right to say yes to everyone else’s needs then here is the permission you’re looking for to say yes to yours instead. It’s fun to spend time with others and it can be nice to commit to doing something for someone you care about but not if it causes you anxiety and overwhelm, you don’t have to please everyone and you shouldn’t aim to either.

9. Take a trip by yourself - if you do find yourself surrounded by others and it’s all too much then a trip out by yourself can be just the self care tonic you need, if you can take a whole day and go for it! Plan to go somewhere that’s meaningful to you, that you know will lift your spirit or give you a much needed boost, this could be anything from a walk on the beach to a solo trip to the cinema on your own.

10. Get lost on purpose - now this could be all about getting out for a drive in your car and seeing where the journey takes you but it could also be as simple as getting lost in a book, in cooking a delicious meal, your favourite music or sneaking away for a secret bath!

I hope this has given you some inspiration to add to your summer self care toolkit, try one of these out whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed, and I would highly recommend book marking one day a week to plan in some self care because having something positive to look forward to brings happiness, which fuels our resilience and keeps overwhelm at bay!

Don’t forget to keep in touch by leaving a comment below or you can email me at 365pearlsofwisdom@gmail.com 
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Tuesday 28 July 2020

Why you can’t please everyone and why you shouldn’t!



Ok, so before we get into it I’m going to hold my hands up and say that I’m a recovering people pleaser!

Pretty much most of my teens, twenties and some of my thirties were spent trying to second guess if people liked me, approved of my choices, were Ok if I did something different and so on, and so on! Also,  I hardly ever said no and would go out of my way for someone so I didn’t let them down, even if they were letting me down!

Needless to say I wasted a lot of time and energy trying to be everything to everyone and not really learning how to just be comfortable with being me. 

So what changed?

Well, it was actually a combination of several things —  life experience, maturity, relationship breakdowns and massive mindset shifts, plus growing and flexing my confidence and self worth muscles along the way too.

But to get to a place where you can make a change in your people pleasing habits you need to understand why you will never please everyone, AND why you shouldn’t aim to either.

There is a brilliant quote from Dita Von Teese that nails it nicely...

"You can be the ripest juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be someone who hates peaches."

Which is basically saying you can be your utter most amazing, brilliant, fantastic self but there will still be someone who doesn’t like you, get you or approve of you and/or your ideas and choices!

And you know what — that’s ok! 

Now I’m guessing at this point your heart might be racing a little and you could be feeling all sweaty and fraught? The idea of someone not liking or approving of you or what you are doing can feel extremely uncomfortable to many, but why is that? 

Well, as social animals we strive to fit in and we get rewarded when others around us approve, we get a hit of those happy hormones that lift us up and we feel included and valued. But what we fail to see is that sometimes this at our own expense.

Unfortunately there will always be people out there in the world that will manipulate others to get what they want, they will use a people pleaser to their advantage. There are also people who like to be in control, have it all their own way and they will also use people pleasers to their advantage.

Let me tell you these people do not deserve your time, energy and generosity so learn to spot these toxic behaviours and give yourself permission to please you and not them, this my friend is where you start flexing those confidence and self worth muscles!

Another reason why you can’t please everyone is because we are all simply different people, with different tastes, ideas and opinions, and that is ok too! Now some people like to exert their different feelings and opinions on to others, that isn’t ok. You can always listen and try to understand where those differences are coming from but you don’t have to agree or act upon them, you can absolutely agree to disagree and hopefully move on.

Now I think it’s important to mention here that we all need to flex sometimes too, please understand I’m not suggesting that you demand to have everything your way or just blatantly say no to everyone and everything without consideration, we must be reasonable and compassionate people too. 

But what I am talking about is those moments when you hear yourself saying yes, or see yourself changing your behaviour when inside it feels wrong and not aligned with your best interest — those are the moments when you have to take a step out of the situation, be brave and focus in on what is right for you.

So how the hell do we actually do this then?!!!

Well, first and foremost keep front of mind that there will always be someone that you can’t please and work on that acceptance. If this person is sincere in their relationship with you they will hopefully understand.

But what if they don’t?

What if it’s your mum, or best friend or partner or child, or your boss??!!

So if it’s someone that is greatly important to you that is not being pleased this is where you take a deep breath and have a conversation about what is important and valuable to you and how you owe it to yourself to put your best interest at heart. Now this is hard I know and one of the biggest mindset shifts  I had to go through was getting comfortable with confrontation, not because I enjoyed it but because I wasn’t afraid to stand up for myself and do the right thing by me.

A big part of no longer being a people pleaser is getting comfortable with hard feelings that might not come easy and behaviour that doesn't feel natural, that’s why it’s a mindset shift and it needs to be practiced and nurtured.

How do we go about this mindset shift?

So approach it as a self love/care project, identify situations in your life where you go into people pleasing mode, think about who you are trying to please and how they contribute to the situations too. Then think about, (and I highly recommend writing them down too) ways that you normally react and how you want react instead. Next I want you to practice, yes practice reacting differently and have in mind what you will do if this person starts to make you feel bad.

Being ready and prepared will help you to stand your ground and focus on what’s best for you.

Remind yourself...

- Not everyone likes, wants, needs or agrees with what you do.
- It’s ok to be different and crucial to follow what matters to you most.
- We are all unique, difference is a fact of life that should be acknowledge but not held against.
- Your time, energy and resolve are precious commodities, respect and honour them (and you will find other people will start to as well!)
- You owe people nothing, it’s important to show respect and compassion to others but not at the detriment of your personal wellbeing. 
- You don’t give to receive, which means people shouldn’t give to you in expectation that they can hold you over a barrel on it later down the line.
- It’s not your job to please everyone — it’s your job to nourish and nurture yourself. Your happiness lies within you and other people’s happiness lies within them, no one has the right to put this upon you. 

And finally...

Setting a benchmark for yourself on how people treat you is vital for your overall wellbeing, treat yourself how you expect others to treat you. If you spend time trying to please everyone you will end up spending your life running round in circles after others and you deserve far more than that. There’s another great saying that goes...

"Nothing changes, if nothing changes!”

If you continue to place value on pleasing others to the detriment of yourself then you will continue to feel shitty about yourself, and them too! I promise you the world won’t cave in if you start to putting your best interest first. 

So... Do YOUR own thing, forge YOUR own way, create YOUR own path!

There’s always going to be bumps in the road, especially when it comes to other people but those bumps make us stronger, wiser and more resilient, it’s good for you to say no — be a no person instead!

I'd love to know your thoughts on if or how you struggle as a people pleaser, comment below or tag me in on Instagram!
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Monday 13 July 2020

The benefit of taking things slow



Ok before we get this started I need to confess to you that I have spent my whole life rushing into things, and although some of those actions have proven to be exciting, sometimes necessary to avoid missing out or over analysing and getting stuck, the negative consequences of rushing in too soon have mostly outweighed the good.

I’ve lost money, ended up in awful, detrimental relationships, got stuck in the wrong job/career, lived in places that sucked all my energy and been hurt by people who I thought were genuine friends - this is just a snap shot of what I’ve encountered.

But this post isn't about throwing a verbal pity party for me and my poor judgement in the past, it’s about celebrating the benefits of slowing down and why it might feel better for you right now.



So why slow down then?

Well, the 21st century has seen the world turn into a 24/7 culture where instant gratification has become normal and expected. We live for the likes on social media, constantly spewing out content and seeking out the latest new thing to share with our online world. We indulge in fast food and instant beverages, open all hours shops and business. We can decide to visit anywhere in the world because transport links are so far and wide and with technology at our side we can connect to anything we want to get, see or participate in whenever we want.

Not to mention our social life, workload and family responsibilities piled on top of this, life is full and bursting to the seams and it can feel like you have to constantly be in full speed ahead mode to keep up with it all.

When life gets fast and furious you put ourselves at risk of either burning out or making a mistake that goes against your better judgement or later regret because you didn’t take the time to pause and think things through. 

As the world around you continues to change you will constantly be given challenges or scenarios that you will need to navigate to keep living your life. It may feel tempting to rush into making a decision or acting in a certain way, some might be very inviting giving off the illusion of instant gratification but this is where I gently nudge you to stop for a moment and consider all the possibilities on offer and really reflect on what will ultimately give you long term peace and satisfaction.

Slowing down means more time to ground yourself in your thoughts, researching and reflecting on your opinions, ideas and behaviour. Slowing down encourages you to listen to your mind and body and gives you space to consider what really matters and not impulsively acting on your initial reaction.

Doesn’t it make sense to take the time to really slow yourself down when life starts moving too fast?



How can we connect to that #slowliving lifestyle? 

So what does slow living look like when your world starts to speed up then?

Well, recognising the signs is a good start, feeling tired, overwhelmed and stretched are all good indicators that you are finding it hard to keep up and are ready to hit pause. Also look out for situations when you find yourself following the crowd for sake of trend or popularity or find your decisions being swayed by others for their benefit rather than yours. Influence can be a tricky thing and if we fall under the wrong side of it there maybe unpleasant consequences to bare.

Another factor to consider is why, what does rushing into this situation bring you? Are you craving instant gratification, does this decision promise you feel good benefits you can’t live without or are you just trying to plicate are story in your head?

When you know what, why and when you can start to take steps to slow yourself down.

Slow living is a personal thing too so you get to control how it looks for you. 

You can try out different ways of doing things like changing your routine or by removing a scenario that doesn’t currently serve you. Choosing to do nothing is also sometimes choosing to do the thing you really need to. Slow living can be a simple as taking time out in the afternoon to switch off your phone and read a book, bake a cake or potter in the garden, another way to tap into this energy is to meditate too. It always amazes me how much people feel they need to cram into their down time each week, I know so many people who plan out every moment of their weekend but when do they get a chance to just be with themselves?

It can also mean changing the way you work or show up for your business, how you enjoy your hobbies or engage in relationships. Maybe you can connect with someone who is already seeking out ways to slow down and gain some inspiration from them.

How you show up in the world and in your local community can also influence your slow living lifestyle, ask yourself do you really need to rush into this situation today? Do you really need to make that decision right now and if you do grant yourself a bit more time and space to really reflect and ask questions before you do. Does this reflect my core values? Does this support the person I want to be or the life I want to lead?

Slowing down any aspect of your life, even if it’s just for a while, can give you the grace to keep moving forward in the best way possible, keeping you connected the things that are meaningful and important to you. 

And above all else, taking time off every once in a while to just be still is the best gift you can give yourself.

Do you feel like it might be time to slow yourself down? 
Get in touch at 365pearlsofwisdom@gmail.com I’d love to know how your slowing down lately!
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Monday 6 July 2020

How to realign with your goals


It’s a popular belief that if you want to achieve something then you have to set some goals to help that happen, as they say - a dream without a plan is just a wish - and I would tend to agree with that, but what if those goals you set out and the dream you had planned for suddenly had to shift, or even be scrapped all together?

When life takes a sudden twist or something unexpected happens it can leave you feeling lost, that sense of having to abandon your goals and let go of what you thought was possible is frustrating at the very least, if it was a big life plan you can find yourself grappling with heart break and overwhelm and even if it wasn’t it’s annoying still having to let go of something that felt important to you.

I’m guessing you're here because to some varying degree this is where you find yourself now, with a plan that’s become invalid and goals or intentions that need re-prioritising. 

For some people that might be a hard pill to swallow but where ever you sit, there’s still hope, a simple realignment to those goals and plans is all it takes and together we can get you back on track again!

  • First off - take a look at your original goal or plan, evaluate what still feels real and important to you and what doesn’t resonate any more. It may be that some of the things you wanted to achieve have organically changed now anyway.
  • When you’ve decided what’s not possible or aligned with you are anymore it’s time to connect to what is. It may be that some of your old goals just need to be pivoted, this next step is a nice way to get a bit creative with yourself and think outside the box. If you do find yourself having to scrap your dreams altogether you may want to skip to the last step.
  • If finances are the obstacle now what can you strive for free? For example can you take a free course, make over a space in your house with resources you already have or a yoga class on You Tube. 
  • You may be facing a time problem because of a change in lifestyle, work commitments or location. Can you tweak your daily routine? Is there someone you can ask for help so that you can access the time you need? Ask yourself what small or even big changes can you make to allow it to still happen? 
  • Finally, do you need to refocus your goals or plans completely? It may be that outside circumstances or events beyond your control has caused this to happen, or that something in your life has changed or ended and what you once had your sites set on is now no longer possible. If this is your situation first off take some time and allow yourself to grieve over lost plans and dreams, it’s never easy when you have to give up on something you deeply desired. Getting angry or being in denial could be common emotions but the key is to not dwell on it for too long because I truly believe as one door closes another one opens. If this feels hard to connect to trusted people for support, their thoughts and ideas might spark new inspiration, remember just because something didn’t work out doesn’t mean it wasn’t valid or achievable and it might be a matter of you just having to shelve that dream for a while. Take some time to figure out what your next move will be now and don’t be afraid to try out new ideas or goals to find something that fits.
Hopefully there’s at least a drop of inspiration above for you to get started on realigning with your goals and dreams. If your not sure where to start or want to focus on a smaller time frame then you can try out my Month in Review Worksheet which is a free downloadable resource to help you look at how things are for you right now as well as planning goals for the month ahead, it’s located in the workbook section at the top of this page.

Don’t forget to share any thoughts, questions or ideas with me too, you can get in touch by emailing me at 365pearlsofwisdom@gmail.com



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Friday 26 June 2020

HER WISDOM - Chloe Crisp


This month I’m welcoming Chloe Crisp to my HER WISDOM series. Chloe is the founder and Chief Visionary of Keshinomi, an independent jewellery brand based in the UK. She is also a mother to 3 little humans, a certified crystal healer, lover of moon phases, creator of crystal affirmations, and maker of meaningful gemstone jewellery.

How do you begin your day? What are the first 3 things you do to get your day started?

I like to hold on to the dream state for as long as possible before allowing myself to give in to the mind chatter of the day ahead and all the to dos, so I meditate for at least 5 minutes in that dream-like space before getting my butt outta bed. Then it's hot water with lemon to officially kick the day off. I also try to add an entry to my moon journal gratitude list before the kids wake up.

Share your favourite piece of wisdom and why it means something to you.

Be wary of 'experts'. My husband's great uncle said this to me once, I thought he was a bit bonkers for saying it, it just didn't make sense to me at the time - experts are meant to be an authority, right? On the day of Uncle Eugene's funeral, when the Vicar invited us all to quietly reflect on Eugene's life, that phrase came into my head. So I asked what he meant and I got my answer: "experts are narrow minded, unable to accept new ideas or concepts." BOOM! Now I don't trust anyone who claims themself to be THE expert.

What is your go-to thing of comfort when it all gets too much?

It's going to sound like such a tree hugging cliché but... If I can shut myself way and lay covered with some crystals while listening to the sounds of nature then I'm as comforted as a bug, snug in a rug.

Who are the women that inspire you?

My Great Grand Ma! She raised 7 children, by herself, built part of her family home, then raised many of her grand kids, including my mum and her two sisters. She kept an allotment and livestock, which was how she made money, and was rocking the best Church outfit on Sunday (which my mum would whizz up for her on the Saturday night before). I didn't get to spend much time with her but my mum always tells me about her, how 'earthy' she was and how much she loved her and owed everything to her. 

How do you see yourself and what makes up your sense of identity?  

I have to admit, questions 1 - 4 were a joy to answer because my responses just flowed out. I skipped this Q and continued on to 6 through to 9 and again they all flowed. Coming back to this for a second time and I'm still challenged to answer. This is clearly linked to my answer for Q8 - a challenge I'm yet to resolve.

Do you have a favourite dish or recipe that makes you feel good or gives you a much needed boost?

GREEN SMOOTHIE! Closely followed by coffee, turmeric latte... drinks I know, but the green smoothie and turmeric latte actually involve much faffing because I make them from scratch, so I'm bumping them into the recipe category ;-)

What does confidence mean to you, what builds yours? 

Confidence is knowing not everyone is going to like you, and being 100% okay with that. Once you're okay with that then you can stop trying to be someone folks will 'like' and get on with being your authentic self, which is very liberating. I'm still perfecting the art of truly not giving an eff, after all, it's human nature to want to be likeable. 

I build my confidence with colour, I wear my 'power' colour when I need to feel super confident. I've learnt over time certain colours deplete me, such as black, so I avoid wearing those colours. 

What's challenging you right now?

Detaching from the egoic self. Every time I think I've nailed letting go of the ego, its identity and attachment to roles, something else will pop up during a moon cycle for me to learn a lesson from. It's all part of the beautiful journey called life I guess.

Tell us more about your latest or next project.

I'm diving deeper into the cyclical rhythms of nature with an idea for my moon journal. I had the idea at the start of the year, but the information I needed to bring the idea to fruition is only now coming to me, so I'm super excited to get to work on that. It also means I get to dust off my graphic design skills too which makes me happy.

You can visit Chloe’s website and online shop Keshinomi to browse her blog and find your perfect crystal bracelet and you can follow Chloe over on Instagram here.






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Monday 8 June 2020

How to start a Gratitude Journal


Journaling has become a very popular self care practice in the last few years, many of my friends and peers have told me that journaling has been a game changer for their personal wellbeing. However as someone who works within the wellness/wellbeing space it’s never been something that I’ve particularly felt drawn to though, until recently when I reframed it for myself.

I’ve always seen it as a practice for better wellbeing, read most guides or how-to’s on looking after yourself and journalling is always featured there but for me it just felt hard, pointless and just not my thing — yes I did just say all those things!

Now as I said I’ve been able to reframed the idea and started up a gratitude journal a few years ago and focusing in on using it only for gratitude has been the turning point for me, and I also only do it once a month because when it comes to your personal wellbeing practice YOU get to make the rules.

If you didn’t know I’m a fan of following the moon cycles and spend time on a new and full moon focusing my energy on what’s happening for me at that time and how I want to move forward each month. It was when I really started to focus my energy at these times that I felt compelled to start writing down the things in my life I felt thankful for at that time as a way of gaining perspective, building resilience and letting go of the things that no longer served me.

This became a turning point for me and I now really look forward to my bimonthly journal time.

So if you’re on the fence about journaling too or want to try a new focus on yours here are my thoughts on how to get started and how to get the most out of it:

  • Dedicate a time and space to it - so when I say time I mean looking at regular slot in your life when you know you can commit, this doesn’t have to be daily if that feels too much (which it does for me), it can be weekly, monthly, yearly even. And when I say space I’m not talking about clearing out a whole room in your house to devoted to your writing practices I simply mean the book your write in by either choosing a blank notebook you already have or picking out a new one to buy.
  • When focusing in on gratitude it’s easy to recall the great, exciting events and opportunities that have happened but also remember the micro like a hot cup of coffee, a sunny day or a new plant for the house. Other examples could be finishing a book or watching a film that challenged your opinion or taught you something new. I also include the people in my life I’m grateful for and personal things about myself, like when I was pregnant I always gave thanks for my amazing body for growing a healthy baby or when I listened properly to my child when they were upset.
  • Don’t forget to include the bad stuff too, and I know this might feel counter intuitive but learning to feel gratitude for the things that go wrong or makes us feel uncomfortable is an amazing way to learn how about failure and how we manage it and it also helps us to build our resilience and discover what we don’t want in life so we can put in more of the stuff we do want. I would include people in here again but it has to be constructive and not malicious because this just creates a place of anger instead of learning. So for an example I’m grateful for this person because their negative actions/feelings towards me have taught me x y and z or I’m thankful for this person because this negative situation has helped me to understand what’s most important to me.

So hopefully you now have a starting point to help you get going, also remember to take the time to look back at what you wrote occasionally, having a record of what has been a positive influence in your life over time and a memory of what keeps you grounded is a powerful thing to keep by your side.


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Monday 1 June 2020

Hello June! (2020)


Who knew we would be right where we are now - 6 months into the year, in this strange situation, slowly (and personally with much caution as I do not feel comfortable about it!) coming out of a nationwide 10 week lockdown period where life as we knew it was completely turned on its head.

June is officially here and you, like me, may be completely bewildered by how we’ve now found ourselves at the near half way point of 2020.

But here we are indeed and I’m giving so much gratitude for the glorious weather making lockdown life slightly more bearable for us right now!

The last few months have taken it’s toll on my mental health and I’ve had to work extremely hard to stay well, and some days I really haven’t been at all. The last week or so has felt even more heavier with many events and incidents unfolding in the UK and across the world that have left me feeling bewildered, angry, frustrated and powerless, never have I ever needed a dose of wisdom and courage in my life more than I do now.

I’ve felt challenged, in a positive way, to think about what matters right now, truly, along with what is important to me - what are my values, how do I want to intentionally live my life, and what do I stand for?

With such a mixture of thoughts and feelings swirling around in my head lately it’s felt hard to pin down exactly what’s important right now.

Moving forward into this new month though, I feel the need to really lean into the things I’m struggling to understand. I’m constantly consumed by anger lately, for so many reasons, but being an angry person makes for a rubbish mummy, a grumpy partner and an insensitive friend. So instead I want to use that as fuel and take responsibilities for my own actions, I’m often a procrastinator but get tired of things never changing, and of course those two things will never mix.

With this in mind I also feel the need to constructively and thoughtfully raise my voice for the things that concern me or don’t sit well with me in a hope to then be more active and less passive on the issues that I feel passionate about, in hopes that I can keep learning more and raise awareness in others too.

And lastly the need to show more grace and compassion to myself when I don’t meet my own expectations. My ridiculously high standards for myself are part of why my mental health suffers so much and have a long history of never serving me.

This month I’m working on changes I want to make, some are happening today and others will happen over time. Some of the action I’ve already taken is to be more aware of my media consumption, seek out unbiased information and focus in on independent journalism.

I’ve also started conversations at home around racism and culture with my family because I want my children to grow up have a better understanding of the world they live, why it’s important to fight back against hate when we see it and know how lucky they are to live with privilege. My husband and I have already begun to question where we learnt about race and culture to have a better understanding of how and what we learnt as children and unpick some of the racist behaviour we grew up with so we can unlearn this ourselves and be better parents to our children.

This month I am collaborating with some amazing women who are doing really important work around mental health which is so important to me. I often get lost in my own story but feel even more proactive about helping other women to highlight so many other stories through my own experience or by giving them a platform to raise their own voices.

June is now a time step consciously into the next part of this year, I don’t have all the answers, I’m not an expert on relationships, racism, mental health or politics but I don’t want to be passive in my beliefs, thoughts or actions. I don’t want to be passive about my health and wellbeing, or family and friends, or yours either.

I know I don’t have all the answers about making positive changes, I know it’s something I will always need to go back to time and again, but I want to finally pull down my barriers and start looking for them.

Hello June, I’m ready for you.
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Thursday 28 May 2020

Pearl of Wisdom Number 14 - Growing Friendships in Adversity


(*Note if your reading this post 2020 this was written at the time of the Corona Virus pandemic)
It’s felt so dark at times lately hasn’t it?!  Living through this period in life where everything we’ve come to know in the western world as liberty and comfort has been taken away!

It’s been unavoidable to step back, staying in our own personal bubbles has been the right and most safest thing to do. However this way of life is bound to take its toll and I suspect like me you take refuge and solace in the words of your loved ones when things get hard.

For me my friendships are an important part of my self care toolkit, coffee dates, dinner dates and other meet up involving a drink and a natter are often like therapy for me and not being able to have much contact with my friends has been one of the hardest things for me lately.

I think in general adversity, whatever shape or form it comes in, undeniably impacts all our relationships and it can be hard to know how to navigate them sometimes, especially friendships.

Knowing how to keep connected when something forces you apart can be very comforting and will hopefully encourage us to keep in contact with our friends. It’s important to remember though that staying connected can look different to everyone and not be easy to accomplish either so taking time to give each other space and understanding is helpful. We all react differently to adversity, we all prioritise different things and cope in our different ways, but saying that if you feel that your attempt to stay connected isn’t being reciprocated or appreciated, it’s ok to hit pause for a while too.


Lately I’ve been trying my best to stay connected to my friendships and although it’s not always easy,  (because like me most of my friends are parents so also like me they have the responsibility of family life, which can be overwhelming to keep up with, especially when facing adversity), I’ve found it really helpful to reach out and keep talking, AND it’s been lovely to still feel apart of each others lives even when it’s impossible to spend time together like we normally do.

Make Video Calls Count - No doubt we can all feel oversaturated with video calling at times, especially if this is also part of your work from home life but if this is your only option then it might help to mix things up a bit. Could you share a meal or movie via video call? Could you cook or play quiz games? Perhaps they could have a theme where you dress up in a certain way or prepare certain drinks and snacks in a fun or unusual way, anything that could make this time feel lighter or bring a closer connection.

Write little love notes - When things don’t feel good many people turn to journaling to help organise their thoughts and feelings, writing can be very cathartic for so many. Why not extend this into a way you can connect more deeply with your friends and turn to the old fashioned way of writing a letter? It’s a great way to express what’s going on with you and an opportunity to put into words what your friendships means too.

Gifts of friendship - I’m a big fan of supporting small businesses and there are so many out there now that do bespoke gifting services or create original beautiful products to treasure and enjoy so sending a keepsake, a delicious treat or even a bunch of flowers to a friend is a wonderful way to remind them you’re thinking of them and helps small business communities near and far.

Photo Collage - If expressing your love and appreciation of another makes you want to be creative then why not try making a photographic homage to your friendship?! This could just be a fun collage of moments in time together or a few beautifully framed memories that you shared, keep it as a reminder for yourself about how dear your friendship is or send to your friend to brighten their day.

Bake off - Last of all, if food is the language of love then baking/making something delicious for your friend and dropping it off on her doorstep will bound to cheer her up and know she is thought of.   A popular American Instagrammer Paige Appel recently started the #thelemonpieproject after wanting to connect with and cheer up her friends when they where living through lockdown regulations in Los Angeles, her idea was inspired with the saying “when life give you lemons..”, she made lemon pies for all her friends and encouraged them to bake them too pass them on to their friends - you can find out more about the project here.

One thing I’ve learnt about friendship in adversity is that it can be at times pleasantly surprising if you allow it to be, and at times bewildering too. Friendships I thought were casual have deepened and become life lines, being a part of something special when life feels hard and watching it unfold has given me so much joy, not mention courage and hope. Have all my friendships continued on in a connected and comfortable manner? No, unfortunately not but this is the time to reiterate that everyone is dealing with their own battles and sometimes friendship can be the casualty of that.

Through the years I’ve lost some good friends through adversity too, and sometimes you reach a point in your life where you simply outgrow people, and that’s ok too. I do believe that life will bring you back to the people that need to be with you if they are lost and let go of the ones that are no longer meant to be.

For now I’m cherishing the people who present, connecting hearts even if we can’t connect hands and finding a new way to move forward with our friendships, keeping them nourished and growing.
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Monday 18 May 2020

HER WISDOM - Helen Perry



Like many of the women I follow on Instagram I can’t remember how I found Helen Perry and her account Not About The Kids but gosh am I glad I did! Helen is not only a fountain of knowledge and experience when it comes to all things Instagram (her social media speciality!) But she genuinely wants to help others grow and see them grow theirs! Helen has been a massive support to me and has been my inspiration and cheerleader when dipping my toe into video content on Insta too! 


Please welcome Helen to my HER WISDOM series, go and say hi over on Instagram and happy reading!


How do you begin your day? What are the first 3 things you do to get your day started?
I don’t have morning rituals as such, although my days always start the same way. I must have a shower and a cup of tea (breakfast time is too early for coffee) and I never, never skip breakfast (when I am being healthy this is porridge, otherwise cereal). And whenever possible I try and walk my son to school rather than drive. It’s just over a mile and I feel 100 times better for the fresh air and exercise.

Share your favourite piece of wisdom and why it means something to you.
There are so many it’s hard to pick, I love an inspirational life quote, a nugget of glorious wisdom. If I have to choose one, I will defer to my granny, Margot. Margot is 103 and has been one of the greatest influences in my life. She has an instinct for how to live well and make good decisions. Her favourite bit of advice is “always look forward, never look back.”

What is your go-to thing of comfort when it all gets too much?
My home and family. Although my online identity is Not About The Kids (a project I started in order to carve out time and opportunities now that my children are a little older), if I am feeling frazzled or that things are fraying around the edges, my mindset is to check in with the children. Are they ok? If so, then everything is ok really.

Who are the women that inspire you?
So many, I’m bound to forget someone great here. Who springs to mind?
Granny Margot, my mum, the words of Eleanor Roosevelt, Emma Thompson, the writer, podcaster and comic Viv Groskop is a current favourite.

All the women who went before us and battled for greater equality and choice, what a debt of gratitude we owe to them. I wonder if I’d have been brave enough to be a suffragette, or bring my kids here from a faraway country to try and build a better life? I’ve had it very easy.

How do you see yourself and what makes up your sense of identity?  
I see myself as a mum, wife, friend and feminist. Having purposeful creative work is incredibly important to me, I got low and felt that I had lost my sense of identity when I didn’t have it (I was a full time mum for a few years, the choice to do that was a great privilege but it didn’t make me happy). 

Do you have a favourite dish or recipe that makes you feel good or gives you a much needed boost?
Pie! I’m a (fish eating) veggie but resolutely not a ‘clean' eater. I try very hard to enjoy everything I eat, whether it is healthy or a treat.

What does confidence mean to you, what builds yours? 
In many ways I am a confident person, but I have always suffered from imposter voices when it comes to work. Overcoming that (insofar as I ever will totally overcome it) has been about realising that the stories you tell yourself, are not always true. Also, keep doing the work. Confidence comes with learning and experience.

What's challenging you right now?
Prioritising my work. Content creating for digital platforms can hoover up all of your time, whilst it is more important for me to focus on product development at the moment. I hope to launch online learning courses a bit later in the year and I have to be really disciplined about finding time to work on them. 

Tell us more about your latest or next project.
Ah there we go, I just did. I hope to start transitioning my blog www.notabout-thekids into a viable digital business. That’s what I am working towards at the moment, alongside growing my audience on social media.

You can follow Helen, and highly recommend you do if Instagram is your thing, here and visit her website Not About The Kids here.
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