Today's guest poster is Rebecca Morgan from Lawyer in the Making and she's talking all about struggling with being shy and social anxiety. In this post she writes about her personal experiences with being shy and her top tips on handling it when faced with social gatherings/events.
It’s okay to be shy…
When I tell people I am shy, they never believe me. If you look on my social media you will see I attend lots of events, speak at conferences and travel the world with my job.
I always have been. Whilst I was pretty academic in primary school, my school reports always said “I should put my hand up more”.
But that just isn’t me.
If I also told you that since I was little my career aspirations were to be a barrister, you’d probably laugh. TV programmes often portray barristers as loud, frequently opinionated and exuding confidence.
So how on earth can someone that is so shy do that sort of job?
Well, they can — because I can be confident in my abilities and confident in knowing that I am fully prepared for the situation or case I am working on. However, the thought of going up to people and saying hello, petrifies me. Yet, I do it!
I have also learnt quite a few tips and tricks for calming nerves but also getting the most out of myself in situations/opportunities like these.
I might be painfully shy, borderline socially awkward and sometimes have mini-panic and anxiety attacks before I do things such as attend events but I still do them.
Now, I don’t push myself to the point of aggravating my anxiety and sometimes I will just say no and not do something, but I also know how much better I feel when I do attend these. That’s not just because I am a massive law geek and love learning, but the conversations I have are always insightful and I have made good friends.
One thing I always remind myself is that the only person losing out by not speaking to people, attending events or making the most of an opportunity if I choose to attend one, is me. If I am not going to talk to anyone at an event for example, then I might as well stay at home.
Here are 5 tips I use when I attend events and meet new people etc.
- Breathe – remember to count to 10 in your head or take a second to refocus.
- Leave my phone in my bag – that isn’t to say I don’t tweet from events, I do. (Actually, that’s an understatement, I live tweet a lot from events). But by keeping my phone in my bag it ensures I speak to people as I am sure we are all guilty of pretending to be on the phone and you won’t speak to anyone if you do that, and you definitely do not look approachable
- Sit near people or go to places people congregate - The queue for coffee and biscuits is usually a good shout. Equally when you walk into a venue with people there, sit on the same row as someone (you don’t have to sit right next to them!)
- Go it alone - It can be so easy to arrange to go to things in groups or with someone else. In essence that’s great but you tend to spend the entire event talking to the person that you know. Now don’t get me wrong, I love using social media to see who is attending events and I often use events to catch up with people I haven't seen in a while, but I also think it is great to speak to new people. So turn up with friends if you must, but try and ‘politely lose them’ for 15 minutes or so, so you can speak to other people.
- Remind yourself it is just a conversation - The type that you have day in and day out with people at home. It doesn’t have to be scary, it doesn’t have to be awkward.
If needs be use social media before an event to find potential people to talk to, that way you know you have a few people you can look out for.
Remember that it's about getting the most out of an event, and that is relative to what you want. Sometimes I will just listen to the talks and then slip away, other times I will stay and chat to lots of people.
Go with your mood and how you are feeling but do push yourself out of your comfort zone every now and then. You might be amazed by just how much you enjoy it (and it will never be as bad as it seemed in your head).
Rebecca is a law student training to be a barrister and blogger and lives in. You can visit her blog Lawyer in the Making to find out more about her adventures as a student studying law around the world. You can also find her on Instagram and Twitter.
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